A Million Little Miracles

Well, that's how it seems. Since learning about Gisele's strabismus, we have had such synchronicity in our lives. Some doors close, many windows open. It is not an easy journey when you decide to look beyond the doctor's recommended course of action. Graham and I have been researching more holistic ways to treat strabismus, since surgery is not always adequate. It is difficult to find sources, but after intensive digging, we found some promising leads. So promising, in fact, that we have already learned some ways in which to realign her eyes most days. Three weeks after her last appointment, the doctors have now changed their initial diagnosis (surgery) and said they would rather 'wait and see' what happens with her. Most excellent.

The new people that have come into our lives have also been such a blessing. New friends, but ones that make me feel that I've known them forever. There are more than 6.7 billion people walking this planet, yet so many of my kindred spirits seem to find me. And their book collections. I haven't yet gone into my deep love (addiction?) for books, but I find in the last few years my good friends come with all these amazing books that they are more than happy to share. 

Many of them seem to have remarkable culinary talents as well. This is something new to me. My newest friend, V, informed me she is happiest when she gets to spend 4 hours in the kitchen and 4 hours outside in nature. Wow. Now that is love. And I aspire to be like her. But this aspiration has been quite recent.

Only since I have had children have I had the desire to become skilled in the culinary arts. Sadly, the ancient skill of my ancestors - roti making - seems to have skipped a generation with me. It completely stresses me out and leads to much chaos and confusion in my kitchen. The children, however, couldn't be happier when they get out their walanas and atta (Punjabi for rolling pins and flour). Their Nanima (grandmom) has apparently taught them all the steps, and they are delighted when I make a mistake in the official procedure, so they can correct me. 

Friends, new and old, and these magical children who love to make rotis all part of my million little miracles.

Giving Chi of Love to fear

This is my vision board. It helps me to remember who I am when I feel fear set in. A few weeks ago I noticed Gisele's eye turning inward in the mornings. Her eye would always correct itself after an hour or so, but then last month she had a few days where it stayed inward for most of the day. I love my children so much and want them to be happy and healthy and any time visits to the hospital are required, I tend to despair. The doctor diagnosed her with strabismus and informed us that she would most likely need surgery. 

Quite a few days after this were spent with me being paralyzed with fear of the unknown. But then one evening I asked Graham to make a vision book with me. We put pictures of all of us in the book and wrote down all the words you see above. It gave me great comfort and strength. I have been praying a lot, meditating, breathing, trying to stay in the now. I have been reconnecting with Sikhism and falling in love with my beautiful religion all over again. 

I feel like Graham and I are on a journey where we are growing, expanding, and connecting more to who we truly are. It is a beautiful journey and our children are often the catalyst. 

When I fall back into my old way of being - where I can think of little else than fear, I have been giving chi of love to that fear. At first I tried to be present with my fears in my thoughts and let them know that I loved them. It did not really work for me. All I felt was more fear. So I decided to talk out loud to my fears and said that I loved them and that I respected that they were trying to protect me, but I would be listening to some of my other emotions as well. And then I felt a shift happening, my energy changing, feeling more love. I feel braver, less inclined to hide and more inclined to really live life and trust the universe.

By the way, I've decided to get labels for the children's clothing: Chi of Love Dusseldorp. I'm in awe that osmosis works with words. All those times when I was studying for an exam and I would put the book on my head, it was working on some level. I knew it!